


Lay with me

by bellinhasf



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, My take on the matter, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4866104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellinhasf/pseuds/bellinhasf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Emma had gone full-on dark, they found her and were able to take the darkness out. All Killian could do then was be by her side and try to comfort her when her recent past comes to haunt her.</p>
<p>My take on what would happen after they find her and get rid of the darkness in her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lay with me

He couldn’t help, he was powerless. She was too stubborn, too determined.

She had promised she was going to do whatever it took to give everyone their happy ending, even if that meant loosing hers –even if temporarily. 

She didn’t think about it, it was an impulse. 

One minute her hands were over his, pulling them up to her heart, eyes wide and aware but filled with honesty, and locked on his as if he was her life support, the only thing giving her strength at that moment. Then she said those three words, those three words that filled him with hope and killed him inside all at once, those three words that made his insides shift. 

After that everything was nothing but a blur to him.

He was pushed away by her, he felt it. 

She was being consumed by darkness, he saw it. 

But something held him hostage. 

His legs wouldn’t move, as much as his brain commanded them to. 

Something inside him kept him grounded. 

He was furious at himself, all he could do was stare, get a last glimpse of her face, her beautiful face before the darkness took her, one last glimpse and all that was left was a reminder of his failure, his failure to protect her, and that reminder was in the shape of the object he most loathed, the dagger that he so long procured to get his revenge. 

He had sought that object for over 200 years, battled many men and beasts, sailed through the roughest storms just so that he could get his hands on that damn thing, and when he did, oh, when he did it was nothing like he had imagined.

For once, his need for revenge was less intense than before, so even if he had gotten the dagger at this stage he wouldn’t just act without a second thought. 

But what killed him the most is the fact that the first time he held it in his hands, the name written across it wasn’t of his foe, the name written across it was of the one person that gave him hope again, that made him believe in life after so much time, and so much suffering and pain.

He couldn’t believe it. Dagger staring at him, the people by his side momentarily frozen also, and his first thought was to sink to the ground, to let his anger and sadness take over him, but again, something inside him kept him from doing that. He likes to think that deep down his conscious knew he had to seem not too shaken up, not too broken, if not for her parents’ sake then for her boys’ sake. Henry had just arrived at the scene, and although Regina was already causing commotion, any words spoken were just verbal distortions to him. 

And the next thing he knew his legs and foot were leading him straight to that spot in the street, the same one she stood moments before.

“Doesn’t bloody well matter,” 

Something grabbed his arm, and if he was angry before, he was furious now that someone had disturbed his focus. His response was like lighting, so quick even his brain didn’t register the whole scene before he was being pulled towards the dagger again. 

“If I can’t find her I can damn well bring her to me.”

The leather on the handle felt cold, her warmth already lost from the wasted moment he just stood there paralyzed.  
The whole thing felt like a dream, a hallucination, something his brain would make up to make his pain grow again.  
It had happened before, his brain would just randomly decide to pop up images of Milah or Liam every now and again, especially when he was feeling guilty about whatever it was, and he would be in a devastated state after. 

He had to have a brief moment to gather himself up after hoisting the dagger in his hands, a brief moment to try and let the reality sink in, it never did, but that didn’t stop him.

“Dark one, with this dagger I command thee, return!”  
And nothing. 

If he was already hopeless at this point the fact that nothing happened made him miserable. The look on her boys face dragged him down even more. 

But he didn’t give up. 

He knew he couldn’t give up. 

“Dark one, appear!” And before he could even begin to think he could hope she would come as he commanded, Regina’s voice filled his head.

“Put that thing down before you hurt yourself guy liner. I thought you knew the dagger’s rules.”

He didn’t even have to think before answering.  
“With it I can summon the Dark One from any corner of the world.”

“Well, there’s your answer, she’s not in this world”

He lost it.  
He wanted to scream, and run, and smash everything, and drink until he couldn’t feel anything anymore.  
Inside he was just a mess.  
But, for the sake of everyone surrounding him he didn’t do any of those things, he simply turned around and started to walk away, dagger still tight around his fingers. 

If someone tried to stop him, he doesn’t know.  
The inside of his head then started to burst, thoughts of everything and anything related to her, to the dagger, to whatever, everything he had ever gathered in his many years in the Navy, at sea and in Neverland all came barging in, him trying to pick out specific things, or find a clear gap amongst all the chaos, something that would help him bring her back, or at least bring his mind to an ease. 

Nothing.  
He found nothing.

He knew there was something in that old brain of his that could give him hope on finding her, but right now, he couldn’t get pass the uproar. 

Even so, he swore to himself, he would find her, no matter what, he would find her, and he would bring her back, bring her home, even if he had to lay down his life for hers, he would, because she was his happy ending, she was what he was longing for, for all those years, without even realising. He lost her before, and he couldn’t bear to lose her again, forever this time.

“I will find you.” he kept murmuring under his breath, that being the only thing keeping him sane.

“I will find you.” he murmured while bringing the dagger’s blade up to his lips and giving it a soft kiss, as if sealing a promise to her.

“I will find you.”  
__  
And he did, he kept his promise, he found her. 

He found her once, while she was still containing the darkness.  
But he lost her.

He found her again, and this time the line between dark and light was less clear to set apart, but he still didn’t lose hope.  
Even so, he lost her again.

And ultimately, he found her for a third time. This time, she wasn't herself, not her true self at least; she was a mixture of Emma and the Dark One, she wasn't fighting his impulses anymore, she was accepting them and complimenting it with her own.  
She wanted to be saved, Hook knew that, everyone knew that, but she didn't look like she wanted to be saved.  
She was different, a completely different person. She seemed to be having fun while doing things she’s never even imagined about before, she was free, doing whatever she (and the Dark One) wanted to whomever she (and the Dark One) wanted.  
But Hook kept his faith. Unlike everyone around him, he always chose to see the best in her, even when she made him witness her most disgraceful acts, he always had hope, always had faith that he would rid that monster from her and she would be good again.

It wasn’t that simple.

After a lot of misunderstandings and fighting, they parted the beast from her and got rid of it, once and for all this time, they were sure of it. 

In spite of, Emma was traumatized by the whole experience. The beast may have left her body unharmed but he also left the memories untouched, each one more vivid than the other.  
The faces of every person she ever hurt or killed, the terrorized and disappointed looks on the faces of those she loved the most kept burning inside her brain.  
Her head had tuned into her worst enemy.  
She didn’t want to be surrounded by anyone. She wanted to run, get in her bug and drive away, far away, wanted to try and figure things out by herself. She was afraid, afraid all those things she did were in fact her own idea and the Dark One just gave her the nerve to do them.  
She couldn’t risk hurting anyone again.

Her body had other thoughts though.

She was aching all over, and as she came more to her senses, it wasn’t only her mind that was on fire. She felt like she’d been walking through a burning house for ages, trying to find a fresh spot to let her body relax. So much was happening around her she thought that that would be impossible.

Someone took her hand - a chill shot through her - and slowly helped her to sit up on the floor. Her surroundings were just now beginning to come to terms, her eyes trying to focus on anything that might help her make out what was going on.  
Then they locked on the warmest blue she’s ever seen, and the demons in her mind immediately vanished. His face shifted a bit, but that was the result of the soft smile that had appeared on his lips, mimicking the faint curve that had absent mindedly appeared on hers. 

He never left her side after that.  
Wherever she went, he went along, even when she was taking a shower, he would sit outside the door and wait, his mind focusing only on the sounds from inside the bathroom, ready in case she needed anything.  
She had wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to follow her everywhere, but she couldn’t bring herself to it. For those last four days since they saved her, he had been the only thing keeping her sane. Whenever she looked in his eyes, she wasn’t lost anymore, the demons would be at bay and the burning would turn into the most relaxing breeze she ever had the pleasure to experience. 

He’d sleep with her too.  
For the first two nights he would just sit on the bed by her side until her dreams took her away, but then, moments later he would be startled by her screams.  
The nightmares kept her uneasy at night.  
Every time she closed her eyes, her mind would betray her.  
They usually started out as dreams, lovely flower fields and those she loved by her side, then, unexpectedly, everything would turn into a diamond hell. Fire coming out far and wide, burning all that was near, producing a mass of gas and orange dark clouds all over; she would watch herself, her dark self, rip out the hearts of anyone in front of her and turn them into diamonds, having no mercy whatsoever.  
She would wake desperately, reaching out for something to try and pull her away from that hell. He was always there, always ready to calm her down, to put her demons at bay one more time and whisper sweet nothings in her ear until she was exhausted enough that her eyelids would give in and shut again.

On the third night that she was finally home, her nightmare was on extant once again, agitating her wake, her arms immediately searching the side of the bed where he promised he would be every night, but nothing.  
He wasn’t there.  
The room was dark, she could barely make out anything; she was alarmed from her nightmare but now was also panicking, her body shaking all over. He wasn’t there.  
“Hook!” her voice was trembling. “Killian!” she called again, tears starting to form around her eyes, making it harder for them to focus on her surroundings.  
And almost instantly he was rushing in, sitting on the bed next to her, crashing his body with hers and wrapping his arms around her.

“I’m here... I’m here, Emma.” 

“I just...” she started softly, face buried in his chest, 

“I know... I’m sorry love,” his voice was soft, and his arms were tightening her closer to him. “I won’t leave you again.” He gave her a kiss on the top of her head, her body starting to come to its terms again. 

They stayed like that, wrapped around each other for what seemed like eternity, just breathing each other in, making their heartbeats adjust to the same rhythm.

She pulled away from him slowly, still keeping her head down. His arms were still around her, keeping her close.

“I thought something had happened.... it was you this time, in my head... it was you that, that I...” she couldn’t bear to finish, her eyes filling with tears again and her voice cracking on just the thought of what she had witnessed in her dream.  
His hand came up to her chin, slowly lifting it up, making her eyes meet his. The love and affection she saw in his eyes made the dreadful thoughts drift away. His thumb then brushed across one cheek, then the other, wiping away the tears that had dared fall from her eyes, his head tilted forward and his lips met hers, so very softly and adoring that she wanted to hang on to that kiss forever. 

“Lay with me.” weakly escaped her lips.  
“As you wish.” Escaped his.

His arms around her, chin rested on the top of her head as she buried it in his chest, the faint rhythm of his heartbeat as her lullaby, her arms pressed against his torso and their legs intertwined. For the first time since they had brought her home, she felt safe, utterly and totally safe. 

From that night on, his arms were always there, cradling her to him, and her breath was always there, warming his heart from the outside in.

Yes, her nightmares were still persistent, and his demons were hunting him more than usual, but they knew that things like that took time, ‘baby steps’ he once whispered in her ear when she confessed to him late one night she was scared she wouldn’t go back to the person she was before. ‘You won’t, neither of us will fully go back. And that’s okay."


End file.
